Aftermath
by Marvel-Dc-LOTR-Lover
Summary: In the aftermath of the events of Civil War, Tony does some self reflection. Warning: spoilers for Cap 3, major character death, depression, mentions of alcohol, mild swearing


He never saw it coming. One day, he had her by his side, an assistant he would move the world to protect, a woman he was about to propose to. The next, she was moving out, leaving the company, walking out of his life. He blamed himself completely. If only he'd given up the suits. If only he'd shown her better how much he loved-still loves-her. If only he'd proposed sooner. If only, if only, if only. Regrets haunted his thoughts late at night in between the flashbacks of Afghanistan and the damage wreaked by Ultron, his own brainchild and creation. Of course, the EXTREMIS had altered her mind, made her prone to unexpected and emotional outbursts and rash decisions. She had, after all, seen him at his drunken worst, helped clean up after failed suit tests, watched him like a hawk at board meetings. And she chose him. Of all the rich and handsome men she could've chosen, she chose him. But she wasn't the same after EXTREMIS. And on the day he was planning to propose, he woke up to an empty bed and a note. "Tony, I'm sorry but this isn't working out for us. I need a break. You need to figure out this whole superhero thing. Love, Pepper P.S. Don't try to find me." And he didn't. He halfheartedly had JARVIS search for her location, but she hid herself well. So he turned to the team for solace. He never told any of them, except Rhodey, but he was more invested in the team building exercises, more focused on building the relationships, more focused on being kind and moving on. But his demons would never leave him alone. He thought Cap was a rock, a constant, a friend. But the Sokovia Accords changed everything. Broke up the team. Made Cap hate him. Tony couldn't help feeling responsible, even though he did what he felt was right. So did the rest of the team. But he was technically the leader. And his actions put the lives of kids-Peter and Wanda-in danger. Most of the time, he managed to feel ok with his past decisions.

But one night, laying in bed, it hit him. Wanda's nightmare vision of all the avengers lying dead because of him. But now Peter and Rhodey and Sam were among the dead, and ultron drones flooded through the wormhole along with monstrous aliens. "It's all your fault, Tony," said Steve, choking on his own blood. "You did this to us." In his own mind, Tony turned away, trying to ignore the sound of the life leaving Cap's body. "Nobody will be able to love you after all you've done" whispered Rhodes, trapped in the War Machine suit and bleeding out. "Even Pepper left. You will never be good enough to make up for all your many fuckups." He spat, gasped, and died in front of Tony's eyes. Tony closed his eyes, willing himself not to break down. He tried to summon an Iron Man suit, but the signal died as the wormhole closed, leaving him stranded in space with the bodies of his comrades strewn around him.

He sat up in bed, breathing hard, tears in his eyes. "It's just a dream," he whispered, trying to reassure himself. He didn't believe it. "No it's not," whispered a small voice in the back of his head. "It's your building Loki used to invade. It was your idea to create Ultron. If you hadn't become a superhero, the villains wouldn't challenge you, the accords wouldn't be created, the team would still be together. _It's all your fault!_ " He closed his eyes, then got out of bed, heading for the minibar. Since Pepper left, he'd started drinking more and more, quickly reaching alcoholic level. Not bothering with class, he grabbed a beer and downed half of it in one gulp. Sighing, he sat on the nearest barstool. Soon the first beer was gone, and he went to grab another and another until it became automatic. Get up, grab, sit, drink. When six empty bottles lay on the counter, more invasive thoughts came. "No one wants you. No one would care if you died," the voice whispered. Tony couldn't think of a rebuttal. "No one would care if you were gone." He thought of the pistol he kept in the lab in case of an emergency invasion. Slowly he stood, stumbling to the lab. He opened the door. "No one wants you." He wobbled over to the desk. "You should just eliminate yourself from the equation." The drawer seemed to open on its own, revealing a pistol glinting in the night lights. "Not even Pepper can love you now." He picked it up, eyes examining the build. "Your own father hated you." He hesitated, thumb on the trigger. He closed his eyes. "You only make things worse for people."

##

It was Rhodey who found him. The shot woke him, and he scrambled clumsily with his prosthetic into the living room. Then he saw the blood. By the time the paramedics got there, Tony was gone. Half the world came to his funeral, it seemed. Pepper came, sobbing, barely able to keep herself together, blaming herself. Rhodes asked Steve to do the eulogy, because even though the accords had caused a rift in his and Tony's relationship, he was still a fellow avenger. And a friend. Steve talked about the difficult childhood Stark had, how he inherited his father's company. Afghanistan. The struggle for redemption he'd tried so hard to achieve ever since. The Accords and the infighting they led to. He emphasized the goodness, the generosity, the kindness, the genius of his teammate. And when everyone else was gone, and it was just Steve and memories and a fresh tombstone, he wept for another friend he couldn't save.

 **A/N: I know that was depressing. I started it when I was depressed. If you liked it, hated it, thought it was out of character, or anything, please leave a review! :D**


End file.
